you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize