she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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