I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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