i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
