aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy sore nipples Batman
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize