i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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