Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize