I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.