At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again