guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..