Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.