the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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