his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
