Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
