I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
