its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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