I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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