Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
