Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
