I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
