I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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