my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
