Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
