i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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