So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
