how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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