she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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