So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
