90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
