My liver just broke up with me...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
