I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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