I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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