Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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