She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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