thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation