Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know