And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME