We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.