Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My balls are so social today.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.