dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.