The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
