Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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