i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
