We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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