Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize