Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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