curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
