So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
