Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
