I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
