So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
