she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
