My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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