I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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