a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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