The best revenge is premature balding
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
