I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found the puke drawer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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