I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
