The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
